About a month ago I had a full-on meltdown.
Everything that had been building up slowly
just started to spill out. After months of
downplaying my depression and anxiety over
this balancing act I'd been trying to do, a very
good friend recognized that I might not be OK.
She waved the flag, blew the whistle, and it set me free.
I talked all of my stuff out with the husband, it was
a much needed communication and recommitment to
ourselves. I made a choice in those next few days to start
choosing love, and to pave a new way- since the current
way really was not working.
The changes now are small and slow. It's everything from
being more clear about the things that I need, choosing to
be positive instead of negative, bringing back the things that
give me joy, taking time for myself and for my husband, and
truly enjoying my time with the baby.
I'm trying to be more proactive with creating. I'm slowly
throwing together a new website, I have been giving myself
small writing assignments on the train (more on this in
another post), and I am starting my
Artist Residency in Motherhood on July 1st.
(You can find me on the map!)
The Residency was created for mothers to make art through
motherhood not despite it. It will begin to weave it back into
the fabric of the everyday instead of being a scramble to just
get anything done. I feel good that I've taken these steps,
it feels good to make changes. It feels good to be
choosing love and positivity, though it's not always
the easiest choice.
All roads are long, and seldom are they easy to travel.
But I feel good about the way the wind is blowing right now,
and hope that more changes continue to happen.
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