Daydreams: Sandy Pages

I've always been a fan of bookstores that you find in

shore towns. There used to be one on the Ocean City

Boardwalk that I would visit every year, when I first 

started going I think I was still into Goosebumps

and The Babysitters Club Mystery Editions but 

quickly graduated to Fear Street Novels because

they were scarier and had kissing. Double bonus.

I mentioned to my husband that one of my 

dreams was to have a mystery bookstore at the beach

so we started talking about what it would be like, 

which eventually led to the name. As usual he came

up with the winner, Sandy Pages.  

This led us beyond the bookstore, deciding

that I should become a mystery writer with the

pen name, Sandy (or Sandra)  Pages.  I would only 

write beach related mysteries and I would 

dedicate every book to my husband 

Blaine Pages RIP*.  The * will bring to you a 

disclaimer that though Blaine Pages is not deceased, 

he is dead to me.

We found a new bookstore down in Ocean City, 

that is exactly what I wanted Sandy Pages to be, 

super cheap books, all old paperbacks, mostly mysteries.

The bonus was that they actually had some Fear Street 

books. Which I have been trying to find for years, they are

weirdly hard to come by.  So I bought Party Summer

and indulged in some literary nostalgia. 

Latest Obsessions

*Morning Ritual
On the mornings that I open the store, I've gotten into
the habit of grabbing a small black coffee and
chocolate croissant  from a small bakery by work.
It's a nice way to start my work day, and it's soothing to
sip on something savory and bite into something sweet.

*Counting Down to the Shore




















This vacation cannot get here soon enough!
We get a little teaser this weekend when we
drop the fudge-a-mania off. First stop,
Uncle Bill's Pancake House.

*Ten Virtues for the Modern Age
I don't consider myself an Atheist, but I think
that these can apply no matter what beliefs
you happen to have. Just a good self-check
list.

*The Collage Club via Instagram
I joined a group on Instagram
that works from Ansel Adam's
400 Photographs book. Each Friday
someone calls out a page, and all
participants create a collage with
that page. It's been great to have
a project to look forward to and to
see what other people can get from
the same image. Here's what I've done
so far.

*Venchi Chocolate
I stumbled across these at a wine
event I went to recently, I guess they
had a hand in sponsoring because there
were huge towers of chocolates on
2 of the tables. Needless to say, I took
a lot of free chocolate. They are delicious.
Now I just need to find them in NY.

*101 Easy Asian Recipes



















I was gifted this wonderful cookbook
and I can't wait to use it.

The Scent of Summer

As we were taking our evening walk the

other night, I was breathing in the scent of 

fresh cut grass.  It almost brought me to tears

it was so wonderful. So many memories

of summers gone by, all rolled up in that

one smell.

Relay races in the front yard, watching the Muppet

Show and Are You Being Served? while eating

popsicles (of even better, pudding pops), swimming

in our above ground pool and trying to balance on

our buoyant body board while yelling out the words 

to Surfin' USA. Trips to the beach, watching the MTV

beach house and thinking it was so cool, TGIF, riding 

my bike around the neighborhood while jamming 

to the Madonna's I'm Breathless album, sleepovers with

friends, vacations to Myrtle,  all of it comes alive 

again with the smells of summer.

What I really love now is seeing the little dude 

enjoy his own version of summer.  Playing in the 

fountain at the park, visiting our neighborhood

chickens every night, getting to know the beach, 

going on adventures in Queens, playing in Central

Park, lunching at the MoMA Cafe, and in a few

weeks he will get to experience Ocean City as a toddler.

Seeing this kind of unbridled joy really makes

you want to reclaim it for yourself, and you can.

It's really easy to savor that ice cream cone, 

to appreciate your local skyline, to get to know those

chickens, and to enjoy the nostalgia trips while still

living in the present.  

What are your fondest summer memories or smells?

Good Enough & Smart Enough

Do you practice self-care?
I don't, but if you asked me last
week I would have said that I did.

I can be very hard on myself without
immediately realizing it.  Dinner could
have been better, I could have worked
harder on something, I could have been
more patient with the baby, I could have
used my free time better, how could I
have lost my phone, why did I forget
to pick up milk?

Little digs that add up after awhile.
Some of this is a result of the city that
I live in, some from the influence of social
media and this weird perfection that
everyone seems to attain, and the rest
from that old "you can have it all" mentality.
After realizing that I was very guilty of this,
I started to pave a path toward self-love.

I started reading articles about it, writing lists
of things that I was proud of, things that
brought me joy,  feeling gratitude for the
things that I have and for the people that
are in my life, taking joy in small moments,
and trying to treat myself like I would treat
a friend.  It's never a quick change,
but it's a good start to a gentler way of
living.

Making Changes All the Time

About a month ago I had a full-on meltdown.

Everything that had been building up slowly

just started to spill out.  After months of

downplaying my depression and anxiety over

this balancing act I'd been trying to do, a very

good friend recognized that I might not be OK.

She waved the flag, blew the whistle, and it set me free.

I talked all of my stuff out with the husband, it was

a much needed communication and recommitment to

ourselves.  I made a choice in those next few days to start

choosing love, and to pave a new way- since the current

way really was not working.

The changes now are small and slow.  It's everything from

being more clear about the things that I need,  choosing to

be positive instead of negative, bringing back the things that

give me joy, taking time for myself and for my husband, and

truly enjoying my time with the baby.

I'm trying to be more proactive with creating.  I'm slowly

throwing together a new website, I have been giving myself

small writing assignments on the train (more on this in 

another post), and I am starting my 

Artist Residency in Motherhood  on July 1st. 

(You can find me on the map!)

The Residency was created for mothers to make art through 

motherhood not despite it. It will begin to weave it back into 

the fabric of the everyday instead of being a scramble to just 

get anything done.  I feel good that I've taken these steps, 

it feels good to make changes. It feels good to be

choosing love and positivity, though it's not always 

the easiest choice.

All roads are long, and seldom are they easy to travel. 

But I feel good about the way the wind is blowing right now, 

and hope that more changes continue to happen.

Not So Sweet Surrender

The best effort I could make for lunch today
was cereal with strawberries. Heating something up
seems far beyond my abilities right now.
Hell hath no fury like a tired toddler.

There were tears on both sides, screams came from
that child like none I have ever heard before.
I had grand plans to be productive during the nap
but I think I'll pass. My bones are rattled.
I just want to be.

Latest Obsessions

*Bobo Choses
I rarely find myself daydreaming about clothes anymore.
I've got bigger fish to fry and I'd rather spend
my money on fancy bottles of wine. But this. THIS.
I can't stop thinking about their Women's collection.
I want to own it all.  I NEED that Matisse shirt with the
striped pants to match. NEED, do you hear me?!
wow. this never happens....and don't even get
me started on the kids clothes. too stinkin' cute.

*The Great British Baking Show
There is something very soothing about
watching people make desserts, and this show
relies less on the drama that American cooking
shows like to create. One thing that is hilarious
is what they consider to be "Traditional American"
flavors. Those always end up being a shit show...which
is probably how our cuisine might look to others.

*Shore Time

My family booked our little shore house in
Ocean City again and I cannot wait to be down there.
I love waking up early and walking to the bakery,
grabbing some coffee and just sitting out on the porch.
It feels so good to be by the ocean for a week, and the
Boardwalk food is a wonderful indulgence. The fudge is
going to love it, so many places to run!


*Mantra:
In general we must not wish for the disappearance 
of our troubles, but for grace to transform them.
-Simone Weil

*Rhubarb

I am pretty sure that this shows up on my Latest
Obsessions each spring- but every year it's just as
wonderful.  Of course the first thing that I made was
my signature cake- the rhubarb upside down. But this
week I wanted to try something new so I made rhubarb
snacking cake . I think my streusel game was pretty weak
but they actually turned out quite delicious. I highly
recommend trying both. Embrace the rhubarb.














*Making the Most of Monday
It's the day that fudge and I have together, and
lately I've been trying to do as much as we can.
In the last few weeks we've been down to Chinatown,
to Washington Sq. Park, the MoMA cafe, Central Park,
Central Park Zoo, and the Met.  He loves to be out
and about so I try tomake that happen- and I also try
to squeeze in things that I want to do.
Hopefully laying the groundwork for him
loving art museums as much as I do.

Farewell, Coconut Island

In Vino shut its doors this past Monday.
A little piece of my heart shattered when I
heard the news.  I had spent 4 years there, which
is still my longest stint anywhere. I worked with
some of my best friends and fell in love with wine.

But it wasn't all coconuts and porcini ravioli. It was still
waiting tables, though some of the most horrific nights
are just funny stories now. My favorite will always be
Valentine's Day 2009, it was  decided last minute that
we would offer a Prix-Fix menu-Which we had totally
not prepared for. We ran out of EVERYTHING. We were
all in the weeds for the whole night,  customers were livid
and we were comping so much stuff. Every single staff member
cried at some point that night. It was horrendous, and the
worst part was that we barely made any money.
But we were all in it together.

I will cherish my memories of doing the crossword puzzles
before the shift, having coffee on the bench and
people watching,turning the name of a bar into a verb (Croxley),
Friday's behind the bar, eating way too much bread, pasta,
and tiramisu, laying on separate banquettes and yelling about
coconuts, setting up with Eli and hearing him sing Kraftwerk songs,
belting out "I Want it That Way" and having a bewildered Japanese
couple walk in right in the middle of it, the time the power
went out and we had to eat all the cheese in the fridge-
dinner at Mama's followed, skee-ball at Ace Bar after a shift,
Sunday football at Mara's, that time we took a cab to Lakeside
because we didn't want to walk 4 blocks, the parties outside
of work(4th of July- or that Superbowl when Usher showed up!),
celebrating birthday/ weddings etc, truly loving the people
that I worked with and for.

In Vino was home for awhile. I'm glad that I got to be a part of it.

Aura

"Even in the struggle, you are loved.

You are being loved not in spite of the hardship, but through it.

The thing you see as wrenching, intolerable, life’s attack on you,

is an expression of love.

There is the part of us that fears and protects and defends and expects,

and has a story of the way it’s supposed to turn out.

That part clenches in fear, feels abandoned and cursed.

There is another part, resting at the floor of the well within, that understands:

this is how I am being graced, called, refined, by fire.

The secret is, it’s all love.

It’s all doorways to truth.

It’s all opportunity to merge with what is.

Most of us don’t step through the doorframe.

We stay on the known side.

We fight the door, we fight the frame, we scream and hang on.

On the other side, you are one with the earth, like the mountain.

You hum with life, like the moss.

On the other side, you are more beautiful:

wholeness in your bones, wisdom in your gaze,

the sage-self and the surrendered heart alive."- Tara Mohr

Latest Obsessions

*Mr. Penumbra's 24-Hour Bookstore
Wonderful story. This book jumped out
to me from the stacks at The Strand and I'm
so glad it did.














*This bathing suit. Asymmetrical
tops have always been a favorite of mine.













*Korean Beef Lettuce Wraps
I really can't get enough of this recipe,
for a quick version I use ground beef and
just dump the marinade in and cook it down.
It's wildly delicious and easy to make.

*Rosemary & Thyme
Another British mystery show to add to my list.
Here is the IMDB description: "Set amongst the stunning 
gardens of Europe, Rosemary Boxer and Laura Thyme, 
two professional gardeners, find themselves drawn 
into solving mysterious crimes."  It's streaming
on Netflix right now.

*“I know that I’m not the easiest person to live with. 
The challenge I put on myself is so great that the person 
I live with feels himself challenged. I bring a lot to bear, 
and I don’t know how not to.”
– Maya Angelou

This quote hits home, but I don't want it to.

So much I want to improve about myself.

Brick by brick. Step by Step

Oh So Quiet.

It's quiet in my house. I'm completely alone.

I'm always amazed by what can get done
in 1hr when you don't have a baby to care for.

It's nice to visit this every once in awhile and to
deeply appreciate a quiet morning.

But I'll welcome the chaos with open arms when it
returns.

Latest Obsessions

*Over the Garden Wall
If you haven't watched this yet, I highly encourage it.
One of the sweetest things I've seen in awhile.
I'm very obsessed with  Greg and his frog.

*Thinx 
I saw the ads, watched the videos, and finally decided to
pull the trigger and order myself a pair.  In a nutshell,
Thinx=underwear that eliminates the need for pads/tampons.
I wore mine and I can honestly say that they rock.
I will be ordering multiple pairs in the very near future,
and a bonus of buying Thinx is that, not only are you helping
to shake up the billion dollar pad/tampon industry but you are
also helping young girls in Africa (watch the video for more info)
What more can I say? It's a good product, made by women,
that helps others.

*Having a Toddler
Everyone seemed to say " oh just wait 'til he is walking,
it gets so much harder!"  But you know what? I love it.
I love that he can understand what I'm saying, and follow
simple directions. Being able to communicate is huge
and I'm loving every minute of it- and he can't even talk yet!
This little person brings so much joy to my life, sometimes
I feel like I might just explode.

*Gougeres
The joy of cheese puffs can be had by all.
This recipe is so easy and you can pretty much
use what you have lying around. I had a sharp cheddar
that we got from the market and it was perfect.
Make them. Make them now.
You're Welcome.

*"Gorgeous, amazing things come into our lives
 when we are paying attention: mangoes, 
grandnieces, Bach, ponds. This happens more often 
when we have as little expectation as possible. 
If you say, “Well, that’s pretty much what I thought 
I’d see,” you are in trouble. At that point you have to 
ask yourself why you are even here. 
Astonishing material and revelation appear in our lives 
all the time. Let it be. Unto us, so much is given. 
We just have to be open for business."
-Anne Lamott

*100 Famous Artists and their Studios
I think if I had a studio space I'd want it
to look like Picasso's but it would end up
more like Francis Bacon's.

Birth.Day

This time last year I was in active labor, 

and 12 hours  later at 10am on March 9th, 2015 

our sweet baby would make his entrance 

into this world.

Giving birth was the most primal experience

I've ever had- and possibly will ever have.

I'm proud of my Mama strength, and even more

thankful that I had the birth that I wanted.

I will never forget looking into the husband's 

eyes as I held our baby, it was a bigger love

than I had ever felt before.  The amazing thing is 

that the love continues to grow, in so many ways.

Now we have a funny little one year old, who has

an unusual amount of physical strength, a kind heart 

towards animals, an insatiable appetite, a watchful eye

and mischevious curiosity, and a mean case of crazy arms.

Happy Birth.Day to our sweet baby boy.

Latest Obsessions

* nursing and cursing  
An awesome podcast made for and by
Mamas who speak the truth about motherhood.

* "For years, copying other people, 
I tried to know myself. 
From within, I couldn't decide what to do.
Unable to see, I heard my name being called.
Then I walked outside"- Rumi, Furuzanfar #77

*Unknown Origins and Untimely Ends
Such a fun read. Unsolved Mysteries and weird
tales told in a graphic novel.  Highly recommended,
my only gripe is that I wish it was longer.

*Watching Fudge learn
Seeing this tiny human grow has been intense
and awe-inspiring.  At 10 months, he is constantly
changing and learning things.  He can pick up his
cup and drink from it, eat with his hands, give
kisses and occasionally hugs, babble about who knows
what, and flip through his books.  He's a smart
little dude.

* This article 
This country fails miserably when it comes to helping
families/new mothers/working mothers.

A New Year

It finally feels like my feet are back on

the ground (well, mostly). Life with baby 

has begun to fall into place, and I feel

like I know who I am again. Things are still

hard,  caring for a tiny human is still frustrating 

at times. But there are some good rewards. 

Kisses and hugs, snuggles and smiles. All 

make everything alright.

Many changes still lie ahead but I'm OK with that.

I feel better equipped to deal with them now.

2015 was a roller coaster, I'm ready for 2016 to

be a little less crazy.

I never get crazy with the resolutions but

here are my hopes for the new year.

*I want to stay in the present. always.

This is hard to do, but somehow having 

a child has made it easier.

*To be a good mother. In hopes that the fudge

will feel about me the way I feel about my parents.

*I hope to become more patient. Does

this happen? I have no idea. But I'm going

to channel the calm energy of my mother

and hope for the best.

*To continue to let my heart bleed.  Appreciating

those closest and letting them know how loved 

they are. Taking the time to call/text/write when I'm

thinking of someone.  Always letting love show.

*To appreciate little moments, take deep breaths, 

savor my cappuccinos, kiss this baby, kiss this husband, 

dig my toes into the sand as often as possible, and

spend time with family and friends.

I'd also love to get some exercise in... but we'll see.

Hoping that 2016 is wonderful for anyone that reads this xo